Transition Aging Parents

Visit my new website, Transition Aging Parents

2010-01-26T09:57:00.000-08:00

Be sure to change your bookmarks to my new website.
Very soon, I will be inserting an automatic re-direct.

http://www.transitionagingparents.com/

Have a good day! Dale...

My new website is launched - May 4th

2009-05-04T07:51:00.001-07:00

Thanks to all my readers of this blog. I have appreciated your comments and feedback over the past 6 months. As always....my goal is to share insight and information with adult children of aging parents so their parents can "thrive and find joy" in every stage of life.

Now I have a treat for you! Today, I launch my new website. It has been a lot of hard work and a big learning experience but it is ready. Yes!!!! http://www.transitionagingparents.com/

This new website gives me the flexibility to offer more content in different ways, and interact with my readers in a more effective way. (Note: I'm in the process of moving all my old blog content to this site).

Please link out to my new site, explore, subscribe and share your thoughts (through the "Leave a Comment" area or Contact form).

Check out the new F*REE 5 part E-course. I am excited about sharing it with you! If you submit your email address in the E-course signup box, you'll also get my bi-weekly ezine packed with tips and information on resources, options, and new innovations for your aging parents.

I look forward to seeing you there! My best, Dale...

"Electronic mosquito" to aid diabetics

2009-04-26T17:48:00.000-07:00

I get very excited when I read about new innovations that could help my elderly mother. She has diabetes and needs to regularly test her glucose level. Pricking her finger is not one of her favorite activities, and she often has trouble with the glucose testing kit.

So, it was with interest that I read about a new device, the "electronic mosquito", patented by engineers at the University of Calgary. This innovation offers a "less invasive alternative" to diabetics who have to take regular samples of their blood. As the article points out, diabetes has been described as a global epidemic, affecting 246 million people around the world.

What is the "electronic mosquito"?
* a patch, like an adhesive bandage, about the size of a deck of cards

How does it work?
* "contains four micro-needles that bite sequentially at programmed intervals"
* controlled to penetrate the skin at just the right depth so the patient experiences little or no pain
* a sensor in each cell measures glucose levels
* data can then be sent wirelessly to a computer or some personal monitoring device
* alarm can be sounded if glucose levels go into the danger zone

What are the next design steps?
* Make components smaller to fit more needles on the patch, thus allowing the patient to wear patch for longer time or test more frequently
* The engineers hope to integrate a pump system for insulin injections that could become "autonomous based on data from the e-Mosquito".

Challenges?
* The university's technology transfer and incubation centre needs to find an industry partner to speed up product development and bring this new technology to market

(Source: http://www.nanowerk.com/news/newsid=10259.php)

Caregiving.com's Progressive Party 04/17 to 04/24

2009-04-16T09:26:00.001-07:00

STARTS TODAY (April 17th)

To:
Family caregivers who blog and the companies that support them

Join: Caregiving.com's ProgressiveParty.April17-24

Click here to join the party! 14 blogs to explore!

2-1-1, Information about critical services for the elderly

2009-03-16T12:35:00.000-07:00

In a recent survey, I was asked by readers to write about 2-1-1. I had never used this service but the request intrigued me. How widespread is 2-1-1 and what benefits does it provide?

Here's a brief summary of what I found. (If you've used 2-1-1, please leave a comment sharing your experience.)

As of March, 2009, 46 states (including Washington, DC and Puerto Rico) have established 2-1-1 lines to simplify access to information and expand availability of human services to individuals and families. Instead of dialing 911 (for an emergency), individuals dial 211 (for information). Trained operators link callers to social services and local programs. The information to specifically support the elderly includes: home health care, adult day care, congregate meals, Meals on Wheels, respite care, transportation and homemaker services.

In 2008, 2-1-1 services took 14 million calls. "While services that are offered through 2-1-1 vary from community to community, 2-1-1 provides callers with information about and referrals to human services for every day needs and in times of crisis."

This service is even available to children of aging parents who live somewhere else in the country. They can access the 2-1-1 website and enter their parents' zip code. The resulting web page displays complete information about the "supporting agency" in that area. The daughter or son can then quickly make a long distance phone call and get linked to social services and programs local to their parents.

This service is spearheaded by the United Way and the Alliance for Information and Referral System (AIRS). Legislation currently under consideration would provide federal money to states starting or enhancing a 2-1-1 system.

Click here for the 2-1-1 website

National Council on Aging campaigns to increase funding for seniors

2009-03-10T12:21:00.000-07:00

The National Council on Aging (NCOA) is campaigning to increase funding under the Older Americans Act (OAA) - by 12%. This act, dating back to 1965, provides food, jobs and care for America's seniors. One of its most well-known program is Meals on Wheels, a key program in enabling seniors to remain independent in their homes. Unfortunately, 85% of states report a wait list for Meals on Wheels.

Funding under the OAA has remained level for the past 8 years. You can read about all the important programs being targeted for increased funding (at the NCOA link, end of my post).

I'll focus briefly on just one of the programs which would personally and positively impact me and other caregivers to aging parents. The National Family Caregiver Support program (NFCSP), under Title IIIE of the OAA, provides "services to help ease the burdens of caregivers, including respite care, counseling and supplemental services".

Some of the interesting facts about family caregivers include:
* Family caregivers provide 80% of non-institutional long-term care.
* The typical caregiver is a 46 year old woman, providing 18 hours of care for her mother
* The value of family caregiving services is estimated at $257 billion per year

Those of us who are (or have been) caregivers to our elderly parents:
* help keep our parents in an independent living situation, and thus reduce nursing home and Medicaid costs (good)
* cost our employers in lost productivity (not good)
* and most importantly, often sacrifice our physical and mental health in meeting all the demands of caregiving (really not good!!!)

This program would provide much needed support services to the caregivers out there.

To read detail about this funding campaign by the NCOA:

National Council of Aging (NCOA) Overview of Appropriations

To advocate for this and/or contact your congressional representatives:

National Council of Aging (NCOA) Advocacy Center

Use Twickie to post Twitter conversation to your blog

2009-03-05T18:43:00.001-08:00

I just found out about Twickie. A way to capture a Twitter thread and post it to your Blog.

I like it for several reasons:
* if a Twitter thread is composed of many replies
* to share a Twitter conversation with your blog audience (some of whom may not be on Twitter)
* I love the idea of the cross-over between Twitter and my blog

Try it. If you like using it, post a comment and tell me why.
http://twickie.pirillo.com/

Here's my example:

JaneHBDesignSF: I&#39ve heard about these, have a friend moving into one - Rossmore, in Nor Cal, East Bay.

about 3 days ago

Tue Mar 03 01:24:59 +0000 2009

daccarte: New post: Aging in place initiative, Nontraditional Retirement Communities (known as NORCs) http://tinyurl.com/bvs3pw

about 3 days ago

Tue Mar 03 00:48:34 +0000 2009

Adaptive Lighting improves quality of life for the elderly

2009-02-25T05:28:00.000-08:00

"Studies have shown that the quality and type of lighting can have a significant impact in our health and comfort", explains research Edith Maier in Austria.

She is part of a European research team, the Aladin project, that has developed a prototype for lighting that adapts automatically to meet an elderly person's individual need! The person does not have to take any direct action. The technology senses conditions in the person. I really believe that such 'personalized' technology is the wave of the future for the elderly.

What benefits does adaptive lighting offer?
* improves the well-being of people who spend long periods of time in artificially lit buildings
* reduces physiological/psychological problems caused by poor lighting: decreased energy, disrupted sleep, vision problems and reading difficulties

How does this work?
* A person wears biosensors in a glove.
* Heart rate and skin conductance is measured to determine level of activity.
* Measurements are fed wirelessely into a control system.
* The system then knows when to switch between "brightly lit active setting" and "more subdued relaxation mode.

If the person is trying to concentrate on a task, the light will intensify. If they are trying to go to sleep, it will dim. The research team is also experimenting with different intensities and colors of light. The system could eventually be used as part of building management to control lighting, temperature, communications and safety.

The research team expects there will be a large market for technologies that can improve quality of life in the elderly and keep them active and less dependent on others. Think of what it will mean, on a personal basis, to the elderly person.

Source: "Lighting up the Lives of the Elderly", http://alphagalileo.org/ViewItem.aspx?ItemId=55481&CultureCode=en

A day in the life of a volunteer at a nursing home

2009-02-20T13:31:00.000-08:00

Wednesdays are my normal days to visit a local nursing home but this week, I ended up going today, Friday.
I often wish that more people would consider donating a couple hours in their week to go and visit with the elderly. For me, it feels like such a natural thing to do. As I approach the building, I really do look forward to seeing everyone, the receptionist, the director/chaplain and the lady I usually visit.

There's a different pace of life there. Yes, people move slowly with their walkers and wheelchairs. But, along with that, comes a patience and a calming atmosphere. There is no rushing. Everyone takes the time to smile, say hello and chat.

Today I arrived to find the lady I normally visit would be leading the monthly Resident Council meeting. She looked so very nice, said she was running a bit late and people would be waiting for her :-)
So, I sat and read to a lovely lady who is in end-stage Alzheimers. She was resting comfortably in a soft chair and she looked very intently at me as I read. Finally her husband came to visit at lunchtime. I'm told he comes everyday.

Being a part of this place for just two hours a week gives me an insight into what seems to be another world. These people are cared for with such love and they care for each other.
I wish everyone could experience the joy of serving at such a place.

SCAN: New space technology may help the elderly with bone disorders

2009-02-19T11:57:00.000-08:00

Space biomedical researchers are developing new technology called SCAN (Scan Cofocal Acoustic Navigation) to diagnose and assist in healing fractures. It's a small mobile device which uses "non-invasive and non-destructive ultrasound to image bones". Although the device was designed to address loss of bone structure and quality in astronauts, there are certainly applications for the elderly.

How is this different from current diagnostic ultrasound scans?
* its ability to assess a high number of parameters
* its ability to image hard tissue like bone

The researchers note that risk of bone fracture is probably more related to quality of the bone, rather than bone density alone (the usual test given the elderly).

At the current time, the device can image the heel or wrist. Scanning of the knee and hip is currently under development. The therapeutic part of the device is what I find most fascinating. It will help accelerate fracture healing by stimulating bone regeneration.
I can't help thinking about Star Trek as I write that last sentence :-)

Source: http://sev.prnewswire.com/health-care-hospitals/20090218/DC7
200518022009-1.html

Technology-Assisted, Friendly Environment for the Elderly

2009-02-15T17:59:00.000-08:00

There is fascinating, innovative technology, TAFETA (Technology-Assisted, Friendly Environment for the Third Age), being created and tested by a Canadian research partnership (Elisabeth Bruyere Research Institute, University of Ottawa and SCO Health Services, and Carleton University).

This partnership created a "smart apartment" in an Ottawa hospital. The apartment, designed to help patients prepare to go home, contains several electronic sensors ("helpers"). As the article states, "there are many lessons that could be translated into private homes".

These electronic "helpers" include:
* A voice that lets you know the refrigerator door has been left opened
* A pressure sensitive mat by the bed turns on a lighted pathway to the bathroom
* A motion detection sensor and timer. If away from bed too long (perhaps due to a fall), an automatic call goes out to emergency service

The research team is also creating software that would track small changes in movement that could be indicative of the start of a stroke or of a weakness predicting a fall and fracture. How about a smell monitor to detect rotting food?

The researchers believe the benefits of such a "smart home" could be "reduced medical costs, accident prevention and early detection of illness". They envision a delivery by components selected to meet specific needs and budgets.

Source: http://www2.canada.com/calgaryherald/news/newcondos/story.html?id=a8fcd93f-d39a-4841-88ef-db253525c59d

Heat-seeking tool helps save lives of the elderly

2009-02-14T07:03:00.000-08:00

Time is of the essence when firefighters respond to a fire and need to ensure they have retrieved everyone from a burning home or building, especially elderly or disabled persons.

Orangeburg, SC firefighters now have a new tool in saving lives.
They have a thermal imaging system based on infrared technology developed for the military. This handheld device can detect heat from any object within a distance of 300 yards.
This kind of range was not possible with older technology.

It can mean a matter of life and death for those elderly trapped by fire.

Yes, the units are expensive, $10,000 each. But,Orangeburg did not pay a cent for the unit. Local insurance broker Keith Hewitt made the donation from a fund aside to "give back to the community".

What a great win-win situation for the community of Orangeburg, SC!

Source: http://thetandd.com/articles/2009/02/10/news/13506731.txt

Retirement Community Goes High Tech

2009-02-05T15:57:00.000-08:00

For those of us with loved ones in large independent-living retirement communities surrounded by acres of lovely woods, trails and nature....we love it that our parents have these beautiful surroundings. But, the elderly sometimes ignore warnings and go off by themselves for a walk in the woods. At my mother's community, there have been several residents who have done this and spent quite a bit of time lost in the woods until they are noticed missing. Depending on weather and health, this can be a dangerous situation.
On an everyday basis, residents may need help while walking between buildings or if they feel faint, take a fall, etc.

Finally there is a high tech solution to address this very need.
This is such a great application of technology to aid the elderly. Please read on....

Goodwin House Alexandria (set on 8 acres) now keeps its residents safe and secure with a WI-FI based Real Time Location System (RTLS) and software designed by Healthsense.

What exactly is this system? It includes
1. Standard WI-FI network
2. Wireless nurse call system consisting of 475 pull cords in residences and common areas, and 100 lightweight pendants that residents wear around their necks

How does it work?
1. A resident can be anywhere on the grounds, indoors or outdoors.
2. If he/she needs helps, she activates the pendant or pulls one of the cords.
3. The software tracks the resident's location.
4. An alert is sent out to the WI-FI phones carried by staff
5. The resident is quickly located and helped.

An added benefit:
The WI-FI system provides quick and easy wireless access to the Internet anywhere in the facility.

One resident said, in addition to feeling much safer, he is "delighted they are trail blazers in the technology arena".

To read the complete Press Release, http://www.healthsense.com/images/stories/pdfs/GoodwinHousePressReleaseFINAL_1.pdf

Test for Deb - Calendar in blog

2009-02-04T11:58:00.001-08:00

First option/test:

Here is my test blog entry in which I added in a calendar. This Blogger.com software can't import a Word document, so I copied the calendar, pasted it in MSPaint, and saved the file as .jpg (an image). This is the largest Calendar will show.
Second option/test:
But, I tried the other free blogging software, Wordpress.com.
Click on the link below; it will take you to my Wordpress blog. I was able to attach the Calendar (Word document). Follow the instructions and it will allow you to view/open the doc in Word.

http://daleblogg.wordpress.com/2009/02/05/testing-display-of-calendar/

Success :-)

Third option/test:
02/05/09 ... Deb, here's the best option using Google Calendar

Danger of hypothermia for your aging parents

2009-01-29T09:55:00.001-08:00

Did you realize hypothermia poses a threat to the elderly even inside their homes?
It is a very real threat. Hypothermia kills 600 Americans each year, half of whom are 65 or older.

To the elderly, it might make sense to try and save money by setting the thermostat back to 60-65 degrees. But, that is probably a very dangerous thing to do.
Next time you speak with or visit your aging parent, this is definitely something to check up on and discuss with your parent.

There are several factors that make the elderly more vulnerable to hypothermia indoors
1. Their bodies have less fat and muscle. Their metabolism is slower and, therefore, they generate less heat
2. They may lack awareness of feeling cold, due to dementia or the effect of prescription drugs.
3. Dehydration, common in the elderly, can be a factor.
4. A healthy person will wake up shivering in the night but an elderly person may just sleep through it with serious consequences.

Source: http://www.newstimes.com/ci_11573309

NCOA Succeeds in Adding Senior Priorities to Economic Stimulus Bill

2009-01-26T13:27:00.000-08:00

When we hear the billions of dollars being requested in the Economic Stimulus package, we wonder just where will the money go? Read on to learn about specific senior issues that hopefully will receive much needed funding.

The National Council on Aging (NCOA) has added several Senior priorities to the Economic Stimulus package. Congress is scheduled to vote on the "American Recovery and Reinvestment Act" this week.

Jobs: An additional $120 million for the Senior Community Service Employment Program (SCSEP) in order to create 24,000 jobs.

Senior Nutrition: An additional $200 million for senior nutrition programs (congregate and home-delivered meals)

Medicaid Temporary Increase: An additional $87 billion to increase the federal Medicaid match rate (FMAP)

Additional SSI Payment: An additional $4.2 billion for a one-time additional Supplemental Security Income (SSI) payment (an average of $450 for an individual and $630 for a couple)

Prevention and Wellness Fund: An additional $3 billion to fight preventable chronic diseases, including $50 million for injury prevention

To read more detail about NCOA's request,
http://www.ncoa.org/content.cfm?sectionID=65&detail=2714

US Navy "Sea Chanters" perform at the Inauguration

2009-01-21T17:30:00.000-08:00

In honor our our family friend, Sarah, who performed with the US Navy "Sea Chanters" at the Inauguration ceremony ... here is her picture and her journal entry of the experience.

In Sarah's words:

Wow! What an amazing day!

The Sea Chanters and the Navy Band stayed the night at the Navy Base at the Navy Yard in Washington, D.C. We had to report between the hours of 9 and midnight because all the bridges into D.C. were going to be shut down by 2 in the morning and after midnight no personal vehicles would be allowed to check in on the base. I reported around 10 and tried to go to bed by 10:30. I set up my air mattress and closed my eyes, but never fell asleep. We all "woke" up around 3:15 and one of the band member's wife catered breakfast for us and we had pancakes, sausage, coffee, and OJ. We loaded the bus around 4:15 remembering to bring our scarves, ear muffs, and most importantly our military IDs; we arrived to the Ancostia Air Force base where we were "swept" by police before heading to our final destination, the Capitol building. We got to the Capitol about 7:30 and just waited...much of the military is hurry up and wait. We stepped out on the platform around 10:40 and from there the rest is history. I hope everyone was able to watch it on TV. The event was very thrilling and it was such an honor to represent the Navy and my country by singing the National Anthem.

This picture was from my viewpoint of the inauguration. The Washington Monument and the millions of people!

Blessings!
Sarah

Four steps to live 14 years longer

2009-01-19T18:04:00.000-08:00

A new British study included 20,200 men and women, aged 45 to 99 years old, who were followed for 11 years. Their health habits were measured and analyzed.

I doubt the findings will come as a surprise to any of us. But, if you or your aging parent is seeking specific ways to create a healthier, longer life....then read on.

The death rate is 4 times lowers for people with the following four health habits.
This is equivalent to 14 additional years of life.

1. Don't smoke.
2. Get at least 30 minutes daily physical activity
3. Drink moderately
4. Get at least 5 daily servings of fruits and vegetables.

To read the complete article,
http://www.webmd.com/healthy-aging/news/20080108/4-steps-to-living-14-years-longer

Money saving tips for you and your aging parent

2009-01-17T15:59:00.000-08:00

Last week I decided to thoroughly research our phone, cable and cell monthly bills. The bills constantly increase. So, I set out to explore all options and see how much I can save our household....and then help my aging mother with similar saving tips.

1. I called our local/long distance carrier and got on another plan that includes unlimited local and long distance calls. Simple and easy to do. Saved $20/month there.

2. I called our cable company. We decided to cut back to Basic cable. At first we thought we'd be missing our favorite CNN, Weather and other channels. Then we realized we could watch most of that stuff online with their streaming video.
Saved $40/month.

3. We investigated our current cell phone usage. I no longer travel as a consultant but now work from home. My husband only used his cell phone for emergencies. So, we switched from a major carrier to pre-paid cell phones and were able to keep our current cell phone numbers. Saved $80/month.

Savings for these small changes = $140/month which is $1,680/year.

Based on our findings, I advised my mother to swap out her cell phone coverage with major carrier and switch to pre-paid cell, saving her about $50/month. Her phone and cable is provided through her inclusive contract with her retirement community, so no savings there. But, I plan to review each of her other expenses: auto and renters insurance, Blue Cross supplemental, prescription insurance, etc. My advice is to sit down with your aging parent at least once a year and check every vendor/supplier to determine if you can reduce costs in anyway.

The other thing I shared with Mom was Suzy Orman's great advice. Say the following sentence to yourself before you buy anything. I guarantee it will put a halt to impulse spending.
"Before you purchase anything, ask yourself if you need it or if you just want it".
My mother was surprised and said she had never heard anything like this. I suggested she say use this line before she buys anything. For those of you who follow my blog, you'll recall she has shopaholic tendencies. It will be interesting to see if this strategy will help her.

Time for finance-checkup with your aging parent

2009-01-15T15:31:00.000-08:00

January is a great time to sit down with our aging parents and review their financial status. As you're pulling together information for tax preparation, it's a good time to review monthly income, expenses and potential increased/new expenses for the coming year. In this post, I'll share a basic Excel workbook that I set up. I'll explain why this is so helpful to my mother and me. After reading this, please comment on any additional strategies that work for you and your aging parents.

"Financial review" may be a task that you and your parent do not look forward to. When I mention anything about finance, her checking account or expenses, my mother starts to shut down. She'll say "oh, I don't spend that much". She has friends whose adult children handle "all things financial". I will not operate in that mode. My mother is alert and of sound mind. And, I think she deserves to know and understand her financial situation.
She also is once again driving, shopping and spending money.
So, I believe the key is to give her enough information that will help her get the "big picture", understand her financial situation but not get overwhelmed.

In January, I prepare and share two different documents:
1. I copy and paste the summary information from her checking account statements (for October, November and December) into a Word document. I highlight the beginning balance, ending balance, and any deficit amount. I bold those deficit amounts. This allows Mom to see the trends in her income/expenses. By looking at the last 3 months, we also see any quarterly bills that she's paying.

2. Then I print off the basic Excel workbook I created when I helped her sell her home/move into her retirement community.
This includes 3 key figures:
1. her monthly income
2. her monthly expenses
3. how much leftover money she has for discretionary spending

I mail these documents to her and ask her to please check all the expense amounts and pencil in any corrected amounts. Then, I ask her to set a good time for a phone conversation, and we use these documents to guide our discussion. And, I update our Excel workbook. I can tell that Mom would far prefer to visit the dentist than deal with this. Hopefully, one year (in the not so distant future) this task will become more like "brushing her teeth"!

Below are the columns contained in the 2 Excel worksheets. I cannot tell you how many times I have referred to this Excel workbook. It has been most helpful to our family!

****************************************

Worksheet #1 - Income sources
Columns: Institution, Phone number, Income type, Monthly gross, Monthly net, Other info (with total of Monthly net)

Worksheet #2 - Expenses
Columns: Expense category, Monthly expense...with total of Monthly expense, and also show Net remaining amount (for discretionary spending)

UCLA research - postive impact on elderly of searching the web

2009-01-13T07:14:00.000-08:00

Here's yet another research project that explores the positive aspects of internet searching in the elderly brain.

This time the researchers at UCLA selected healthy individuals between the ages of 55 and 76. Half had experience searching the internet. Participants underwent MRI scans as they read and also as they searched the web.

Of course, we'd expect to see greater brain activity in searching the web over reading. "When you read you are taking the information in and processing it, that's all. When you do an interactive activity you take it in, process it, and think about how you can use it".

There was another key finding in particular research. The study showed a two-fold increase in brain activity among the websavvy compared with those having little internet experience.

Two of my thoughts:
1. I'd really like to see some longitudinal studies to follow a group of subjects, such as these, as they age. Does anyone know of such studies in progress?
2. All of us with aging parents should try to get our parents engaged in using a computer for research, blogging and communication. For those of you who have succeeded in getting your parents online, can you share your approach? Some of our parents don't even have access to a computer. One lady that I admire a lot is Claire who has a great blog (at age 84). http://claireskvetches.blogspot.com/

Here's the full article:
http://newsroom.ucla.edu/portal/ucla/ucla-study-finds-that-searching-64348.aspx

Elderly shopaholics killed by purchases

2009-01-10T12:16:00.001-08:00

I happened to come across a news item from the UK, "Elderly Shopaholics Killed by Purchases". If you never knew a shopaholic, you would probably smile and think this article was a joke. It is not.

I know how serious this problem is because my elderly mother was (and probably still is) a shopaholic. I live 600 miles away from my mother. So, for the past 20 years she loved flying out and visiting our family. I never saw her home first-hand. My brother checked in on her each week and let me know "everything was fine". It was NOT. When I was called to her house last March, I walked into a home in total chaos. I found out that she would go out daily to shop (cheap clothes, non-perishables, all kinds of stuff). Until the EMT guys had to come to take her to the hospital, she denied entry to her friends and neighbors. It was like a hidden, dirty secret behind the facade of a lovely home. My mother finally admitted this was the way she dealt with her loneliness.

When I had her house cleaned out, a refuse guy carried away a ton of trash (after we had donated all the usable stuff). She also seemed to have a real hoarding problem. We helped her downsize, move and get organized in an apartment in a retirement community. I have to be vigilant that she doesn't begin this behavior again. The one saving grace is there is a cleaning service that comes in every Thursday and keeps an eye on things.

I think now that Mom has new friends and neighbors and activities that it will alleviate her loneliness and boredom, but I think her shopaholic activities were also somewhat of a compulsion. Has anyone out there addressed this kind of behavior in the elderly? If so, please comment and share solutions.

Here is the UK article about one woman who was knocked over by "pile of electrical appliances, suitcases and other objects" and then a man "believed to have been killed by dehydration when he could not find his way in a maze of tunnels through clutter in his home".
http://www.upi.com/Top_News/2009/01/09/Elderly_shopaholic_killed_by_purchases/UPI-71141231552902/

Top 5 Blogs of 2008 - Transition Aging Parents

2009-01-02T16:17:00.000-08:00

Thanks to everyone who visited my blog in 2008! In honor of the New Year, here is a list of my Top Blogs of 2008 (as rated by my readers).

I started this blog in October 2008. As a long-distance caregiver to my mother, I helped her transition from her home of 30 years to a retirement community.
I share "lessons learned" on my Blog as well as interesting resources, research, stories that I find in my reading and blogging.

Top Blogs of 2008:
#5. "So far away - 20 questions for long-distance caregivers"
http://daleblogg.blogspot.com/2008/12/so-far-away-20-questions-for-long.html

#4. "Checklist as you visit your aging parents"
http://daleblogg.blogspot.com/2008/11/checklist-as-you-visit-aging-parents.html

#3. "Help your aging parents choose options before crisis strikes"
http://daleblogg.blogspot.com/2008/12/help-your-aging-parents-choose-options.html

#2. "Top 10 list - moving into a retirement community"
http://daleblogg.blogspot.com/2008/12/top-10-list-moving-into-retirement.html

And,the #1 favorite blog of 2008 is
"Book Review: Aging Gracefully - What the Nun Study Teaches us..."
http://daleblogg.blogspot.com/2008/12/book-review-aging-gracefully-what-nun.html

Facing critical decline of geriatricians - how this will impact our aging parents

2008-12-30T18:58:00.000-08:00

A recent NY Times article highlights the critical decline of geriatricians.
There are only 300 new geriatricians trained each year. "Yet the number of people over 65 will double in the next 20 years". And, these doctors are the worse paid doctors in health care.

Why is this important to you and your aging parents?
Most elderly persons have multiple health problems, many of which are chronic illnesses. Geriatric doctors (or at least additional geriatric training as part of medical school/professional development) are required. Such training emphasizes the need to spend more time listening to the patient, knowledge of illnesses unique to the aged, coordinated care, and educating/involving the patient's family.

The article describes an attempt to address the shortage with a Baltimore team project in which geriatric-trained nurses help physicians by going into the homes of the most at-risk older adults. "The nurses go to patients’ homes, develop comprehensive care plans, help the patients in self-monitoring, help them overcome obstacles to self-care and connect patients and their families to community agencies." By keeping such patients out of the hospital provides the quality of life we all want for our aging parents, as well as reducing costs for Medicare.

On a personal note...
One of the biggest benefits my mother has experienced in her retirement community is their Wellness Center concept, in which her overall medical health is monitored and comprehensive health record maintained. She is seen by geriatric-trained specialists on-site in this integrated care environment. In just 6 months, we all are amazed at how her health has improved.

Wouldn't it be wonderful if such Elderly Wellness Centers could be established in each community, so those "aging in place" could benefit from the same concept? Does anyone know of such entities?

The complete NYTimes article is at: http://www.nytimes.com/2008/12/30/health/30bbox.html?partner=rss

Christmas idea if you're apart from your aging parent

2008-12-23T07:13:00.000-08:00

This year my mom decided to stay put in her retirement community and spend the time with her friends. I can't make the 600 mile trek back because all of our grown children and grandchildren are uniting at our home.

How can we all stay in touch? Yes, we'll definitely call her and have a nice chat, and stay on the line as she opens the gifts we mailed her.

But, how about giving the gift that keeps giving...after Christmas?

We plan to take all our Christmas photos this year and create a wonderful DVD "photo show" to send to Mom shortly after the holidays. I've created DVDs for her in the past, and they've become a real favorite.

See the site I used: http://www.photoshow.com/home/start
With it, you upload your photos. The free software walks you through the entire process of creating a DVD. You select template, music and can also add titles, transition slides, speed of playback. You can include up to a maximum 150 pictures on each DVD.

Create a DVD and your aging parent will have Christmas memories within a week after Christmas.

More great gift ideas for aging parents

2008-12-21T15:03:00.000-08:00

This site is sure to have something that will delight your aging parent!
Good news --- there is a Rush order phone number for last minute purchases.

Here are 3 great gift ideas --- found at http://www.goldviolin.com/

1. Check out "HP Printing Mailbox with Presto Service" for reduced price of $50. "You communicate the way you prefer-- by email, and your loved ones get what they want-- printed letters and photos without the learning curve or expense of a computer or Internet connection."
Type "HP Printing Mailbox" in the Search Box of the website.
(Also, here's a helpful link describing how the product works. http://www.presto.com/wip_HowPrestoWorks.aspx)

2. For the garden lover, check out the only garden gloves endorsed by the Arthritis Foundation, "Designed by an orthopedic surgeon to give your hands the padding and support to easily grip tools and handles, while eliminating blisters and hand fatigue". Type "Bionic Garden Gloves" in the Search Box of the website.

3. Check out the category of Gift Ideas/Games. My mother is not a reader but she loves crossword puzzles, Suduko and games of all sorts. Good selection and sale prices!

http://www.goldviolin.com/
If you're an AARP member, you get 10% off on purchases (http://www.aarp.org/aarp_benefits/offer_gifts/gold_violin.html)

Top 10 list - moving into a retirement community

2008-12-17T08:46:00.000-08:00

Here is my list of the top 10 changes I saw in Mom after she moved into a retirement community (Fairhaven, Sykesville, MD http://www.fairhavenccrc.org )

It seems like only yesterday, but Mom has now been in her new home/retirement community for 6 months!

For those of you (and your aging parents) who are considering the retirement community option, please read on... my top 10 list:

1. Mom ditched her walker and now enjoys walking with her friends. Not only is this great for her health but also for her spirit!

2. Her doctor has been able to cut back all her medications due to healthier eating, exercise and weight loss. Her doctor is thrilled that she has lost 40 (unhealthy) pounds and she is also proud of her appearance.

3. Mom enjoys and takes advantage of the wide variety of healthy and delicious food served in the dining rooms. They usually have her favorite dessert: sugar-free butter pecan ice cream. This puts a real smile on her face.

4. She proactively sought out the onsite nutritionist to understand what foods and how much she should eat, given her diabetes. In the past, my mother had been passive, letting life happen to her. This is a new and good change for her to start asking for things on her own.

5. She has access to many of her life-long doctors right on site; and the Wellness Center ensures she stays on track with all her check-ups. The only two things she goes off site for is mammogram and her specialist at Johns Hopkins. She likes having the convenience of on-site but also the need to go off-site sometimes.

6. Her mood and outlook on life have gone from sad to joyful. I can hear this even in her conversation. She used to speak in short phrases in a monotone. Now, she sounds like a different person. She articulates, is descriptive in her language and has the cutest lift in her voice.

7. Before moving to the retirement community, her network of friends had dwindled down to two dear ladies who had health problems themselves. She had been housebound due to health problems. Now she has a wonderful new group of friends, who truly look out for each other. She loves to tell me about conversations down in the laundry room...and how their floor has decided to sit together at the New Year's Eve dinner party. Yes, they plan to stay until midnight, partying!!!

8. Her view has now changed from being focused on her ailments to more of a world view. She'd much rather talk to me about the economy, politics or her new friends. She says she takes advantage of every lecture / performance that's offered. She was quite excited about seeing her first opera with sub-titles.

9. There is no longer a threat of her safety (of her falling in her home or on the ice as she walked to her mailbox). And, she feels so much more secure. A presentation was made last week, informing residents of what exactly happened if they had to be taken to the hospital. She said it took all the fear out of an unknown situation.

10. Mom feels respected and loved in a community of her peers. But, she still attends her church and stays in contact with friends, often attending outside lunch events with them. It is important to her to keep her feet in both worlds and stay connected with her community outside.

Launch of new website for Caregivers

2008-12-15T11:50:00.000-08:00

I just discovered a new website launched last month by the Centers for Medicare & Medicaid Services, designed specifically for caregivers. It is estimated there are 1 million long-distance caregivers. We are in need of a place to go for trustworthy information about programs, services and benefits.

This is so much more than just a website. It's an invaluable portal to a wealth of resources. It is definitely worth your time to take a few minutes to look at this site and bookmark it for future reference.

This new "Ask Medicare" website provides easy-to-find links to resources and partner organizations. It includes four content areas:
* Billing (how to read a Medicare summary; how to file a claim, appeal, grievance; how to report fraud
* Navigating Medicare (how to enroll; how to compare drug, health and Medigap plans; how to find in-home services)
* Care Options (how to compare in-home versus nursing home alternatives; how to compare facilities)
* Getting Help -- (their "Caregiving Exchange". How caregivers can get financial help and find local support. Also, included are a list of related message boards, newsletters and stories of other caregivers.)

If you're still reading, don't stop now!!! Click on the following links and view this wonderful resource. Also, take a moment to check out the "Caregiving Exchange" and sign up for their bimonthly newsletter update.

http://www.medicare.gov/caregivers/
http://www.medicare.gov/caregivers/caregiving_exchange.asp

In honor of Amy Clark's Big Give to the Elkhart IN community

2008-12-04T10:09:00.000-08:00

I dedicate this entry to Amy Clark (founder of MomAdvice.com).
She has been working diligently on her "Big Give" for Faith Mission Homeless Shelter in Elkhart, IN.

These are the items she has collected and plans to present this Saturday morning at the Shelter:
1. $7,500 worth of Kenmore appliances
2. 100 welcome kits for residents
3. assorted gloves, hats, clothing....
4. a Nintendo Wii (donated by Amy's family)

See her entire article about this wonderful project -
http://tinyurl.com/5sfd9y

Amy is indeed a hero and role model for her community....and an angel to the Mission.
Thank you Amy!!!!!

Help your aging parents choose options before crisis strikes

2008-12-01T12:20:00.000-08:00

I have read many emails recently in which daughters and sons are trying desperately to find and afford a quality retirement community for their elderly parents. The stories are heart-wrenching. For many, their parents have fallen into frail health; many are at the end of their funds. Options are extremely limited. Everyone struggles and suffers.

So, for all the baby boomers out there, READ THIS!!!

Prepare yourself with education and communication, before your parents encounter a crisis situation. Similar to the way in which you research(ed) all the issues surrounding your children's selection/choice of college, use due diligence as you "partner" with your parents in researching options for their retirement. Bring the issues out in the open, talk about their preferences and perceptions. Oftentimes, we take myth to be fact without investigating. My mother believed she would have to turn over all her money and personal belongings to the retirement community. This is absolutely NOT true.

Yes, our lives are extremely busy. But, when a crisis situation with a parent hits, you will have to act decisively in the best interest of your parent. Know that it will likely be an emotional and exhausting time for everyone involved.

Fortunately my mother recovered from her health crisis last March but we continued to pursue a retirement community option for her. We sat down and talked about how the next crisis might actually prevent her from passing the required physical and psychological exams for getting into independent living in the place of her choice. Facing realism is hard. This is not easy territory to traverse. I helped Mom by listing the pros, the cons and all the factors on a sheet of paper. This helped us take the emotion out of it. We made ourselves think long-term.

So educate yourself now!!

One big lesson we learned was about "Continuing Care Retirement Communities". If at all possible, seek this out. It is a retirement community for the remainder of one's life, with a choice of services and living situations. Residents can move between independent living, Assisted Living, and Nursing Home care. Your parent would sign a long-term contract that provides for housing, services and nursing care, all in one location. My mother purchased her apartment and her monthly fee will never change (except for small inflation increase) regardless of how much care she needs. She retained total control of all her assets. If she runs out of funds after her life expectancy age is reached, an endowment established by her retirement community will cover all her needs.

The real benefit of a place such as this is that it becomes a wonderful network of support with other residents, extended families of residents and all the staff. Her contract is all-inclusive, including all her meals, medical appointments, cleaning services, etc. My mother calls me every day to share upcoming afternoon and evening activities. She sits in on board meetings and reaches out to other residents in need. It is truly amazing to see her strength and spirit restored.

In looking for a CCRC (Continuing Care Retirement Community), look for these things:
1. Find out if the CCCR is accredited by CARF
2. Seek to understand the community's mission
3. Determine if the community will meet your lifestyle and financial situation
4. See if you can spend a night and a day at the site and fully participate in all activities, meals

When you visit, check these things out
1. If your parent has a pet, will it be allowed (my mother loves the many cats and dogs that people have)
2. What kinds of social, cultural activities are offered? Is there bus service to local spots, such as malls, churches, theater?
3. Does your parent like the food? (take advantage of the "free" complimentary meals as you visit these communities)
4. Is the staff responsive and friendly? At my mother's community, every staff member knows every resident's name and addresses each resident. This means so much to my mother.
5. What types of health care services are available on site?

I always felt a sense of joy watching our children launch their careers and raise their families. I get a similar sense of joy now watching my mother "grow and flourish" in her new home. What a legacy we can all leave as our parents age!

Great gift ideas for aging parents

2008-11-28T10:28:00.000-08:00

Today I want to share a couple of terrific gift ideas for your aging parents.

First gift idea:
Thanks to my new friend, Amy Clark (http://momadvice.com/), I found a great website, http://www.etsy.com/.

It's the place to "buy and sell all things handmade". This site was launched in 2005 and is made up of 100,000 sellers. You can sell/buy handmade goods, supplies for crafts and vintage items. I went to this site for the first time last week to find a holiday wreath for my mother's apartment door (her door faces an interior corridor of her retirement community). I was delighted to find a lightweight, beautifully handmade wreath. The other neat part is the transaction itself was personal and very easy. I corresponded directly with the woman who made the wreath.
Her handmade items can be found at http://www.rhody.etsy.com (Rhody's Wreath and Crochet Shop).

So, if you're looking for a quality, handmade Christmas item for your aging parents, look here. The quality is excellent, prices good and my seller shipped the item directly to my mother.

Second gift idea:
I found another great site, http://www.photoshow.com/home/start

With this site, you upload your photos. The free software walks you through the entire process of creating a DVD. You select template, music and can also add titles, transition slides, speed of playback. You can include up to a maximum 150 pictures on each DVD.
I already received my first DVD. And, I am thrilled with the quality and speed of delivery. The packaging (DVD case) is also personalized and lends to the overall product quality.

I created a DVD to include photos of my grandson from birth to 2 years old. I'll be giving him, his parents and my elderly mother the DVD as a Christmas gift.

The nice part about this gift is that your aging parent can just pop this DVD in and enjoy a 10 minute show (all on their TV). My mother often has insomnia at night so I'm hoping she can perhaps use this in the middle of the night to give her pleasant memories and a way to get back to sleep.

For those of you reading this, if you have other gift ideas for aging parents, please comment.
Thank you. Dale...

Santa train video clip

2008-11-23T08:00:00.001-08:00

Hello all,
This is a bit off topic. But, I decided to post an entry with a holiday theme.
I found a cute Santa video (animated) that is guaranteed to put a smile on your face.

It's 6 minutes long. Watch and enjoy. And, share with your family and friends.
http://www.metacafe.com/watch/55623/santa_taking_the_a_train/
Dale...

Virtually Aging in Place

2008-11-14T17:12:00.000-08:00

I recall when my mother could no longer drive but needed to get to doctors, grocery store, pharmacy. She had only 2 friends who were willing and able to drive her. As I checked into resources to help her in the interim until she could get into her retirement community (in Maryland), I found the resources fragmented and all over the place. I had to seek them out and negotiate with and comply with the requirements of each resource. It was daunting.

So, when I read a blog about a new type of private non-profit organization in Andover Mass. I was delighted with the concept. It describes an innovative approach for aging-in-place called "retirement living without walls". A yearly membership fee allows access to services similar to those available to those living in retirement communities.

As the blog points out, there is strength in numbers! The non-profit organization has a central office and members receive transportation, attend YMCA classes, optionally obtain services such as home repair, pet services, etc. The cost is much less than that of a a retirement community but members gain the care and peace of mind they need and deserve, as they continue living in their homes.

Perhaps those reading this blog will approach their local Bureau/Council on Aging and seek their cooperation in exploring/implementing this concept. What a service it would be for seniors wishing to stay in their home!

Be sure to read the entire blog that describes this new concept,
http://www.plannedseniorhood.com/index.php/aip-virtually

Closet Organizing for Retirement Community residents

2008-11-06T12:11:00.000-08:00

If you have moved your parent into a retirement community or are in the planning stages, you will want to read the article I've referenced below. Closet space is usually at a premium in retirement apartments. It will help your elderly parent so much if you will take some time to organize their closet. My mother has no interest in organizing but my sister-in-law has been doing it in small chunks. She'll find a complete outfit that my mother has forgotten all about. It's a simple thing such as this that delights my mother. I was so excited to find the following article that provides other good organizing tips.

So take a few moments to read the following article written by a closet designer. She breaks the process down into easy steps:

Step 1: Remove items that you no longer use

Step 2: Create groups for the items you have removed (the author provides some good leading questions to help decide what to do with the items)

Step 3: Organize your closet. A great tip I never thought about is to hang lightest to darkest. She also offers suggestions like using different colored hangers to differentiate navy blue from black.

This is a great article, worth a few minutes of your reading time.
http://www.organized-atlast.com/2008/11/04/closet-organizing-presentation-for-retirement-community/

Helping address loneliness in the elderly

2008-10-31T10:06:00.000-07:00

Today's blog is based on an article I just read on the BBC (and was picked up by our AP).
It talks about the million people in the UK who are suffering with loneliness. A research study found that "half a million only leave their houses one a week, and a further 300,000 are entirely housebound." Of course, the tough economic times are only increasing their despair and loneliness.

The UK charity, Help the Aged, is launching a campaign to provide 25,000 people, with a Christmas dinner with friends.

As I finished reading the article, I realized there are likely many elderly in our local communities who find themselves in a similar state; people who can't afford or endure travel to their families or who are just isolated due to life situations.

So, I put out this challenge to each person reading this blog. Reach out to an elderly person in your church, neighborhood, or through your local Aging agency. (Note: to find your area's agency, enter your zip code at this link http://www.eldercare.gov/Eldercare/Public/Home.asp

Invite one or two such persons to your family Thanksgiving dinner. Yes, it will take a few calls and arranging, but think of what this will mean to someone who would otherwise sit alone at home at Thanksgiving. It will likely end up being one of your most special Thanksgivings.

Here is the BBC article: http://ukpress.google.com/article/ALeqM5gGJsVbVjA44ALUdw5LpNqAQ0nrrQ

Getting low cost prescription help for the elderly

2008-10-28T08:08:00.000-07:00

We hear stories every day about the elderly having to choose between buying groceries and their prescriptions. But, there is help out there!

This morning the Today Show (NBC) had a great segment with tips for saving on prescriptions. Here are 4 key tips:

Shop around. One survey found a 300-400% difference in purchase price of a drug in a given area. Compare costs at all pharmacies in your area.
Shop on-line. In another survey, buying from an online pharmacy instead of the brick and mortar store yields a big cost savings. (i.e., walmart.com, cvs.com)
Consider alternative drug classes. Doctors sometimes prescribe the latest type of treatment (which often is the most expensive). Tell your doctor about your financial situation and ask your doctor to consider alternative classes of drugs
Contact an assistance program for a single point of assistance

Partnership for Assistance Program. https://www.pparx.org/Intro.php or call 1-888-477-2669. This program brings together pharmaceutical companies, doctors and patient advocacy groups to those who lack prescription coverage to get the medicines they need through public/private programs. This link explains how the program works, https://www.pparx.org/about.php
For those with the greatest need and least financial resources, contact Free Medicine Program. http://freemedicine.com/ or call 1-573-996-3333. This link explains how the program works, http://www.freemedicinefoundation.com/how_it_works.html

Sorting through a home of 30 years - what to keep, what to give away, what to trash

2008-10-26T08:07:00.001-07:00

In today's entry, I'll share some of our strategies for sorting through Mom’s entire household. The How, What and Why of our decisions around all the “stuff”. As I said in previous entries, it is incredibly important to involve your parent in all these decisions.

1. Steps we followed:
a. We went to Kmart and bought big plastic tubs (with lids); about $4 each. These were essential for our sorting process

b. We categorized what we had to sort through by item and/or room:
i. Paperwork
ii. Kitchen stuff
iii. Clothing
iv. Furniture

c. Paperwork (mail, statements, bills, etc): This was stuffed in desks, dresser drawers, bags, etc. We set up a spot in the living room to stage all this stuff. My husband’s main job (during the last week before move out) was to go through all of it. He acted upon any bill that looked unpaid, trashed all the ads, etc. (SPECIAL NOTE: There was a huge amount of old paper with full credit card number and social security number on that. He put all this stuff in a huge bin; we brought it home and paid for it to be shredded.)

d. Kitchen stuff: There were many, many mis-matched sets of dishes and old cookware. Mom wanted to keep most of it. So, my husband set a table with 8 place settings of her favorite dishes and cookware for her new apartment kitchen. When she saw how this would meet her needs, she agreed and we gave the rest away.
e. Clothing: My mother had been a shopaholic. There was a lot still with tags on it that didn’t fit her. She agreed to give all that away to a Mission Store (this was important to her to know someone in need would be wearing her clothes). To her surprise, we found things like 40 black skirts in the same color, style and make. She usually would decide just to keep just a couple. (NOTE: this is a very emotionally draining process ...so do this in short time segments.)

f. Furniture: This took a lot of time. We ended color coding each item; green: for keep and move; red: for give-away; yellow: for trash. Our biggest challenge was finding a place that would come into the house and haul her furniture away for donation. I did not find this place until the day before moving. As with every other challenge…..you must keep pursuing a solution. Never give up!

g. What to buy new for her retirement apartment: Her living room couch and chair were soiled and also broken. Her mattress set was 30 years old. So, she agreed she wanted a new couch and lazy-boy chair. We found these pieces at her favorite department store on sale, plus they gave her one year interest-free to pay these off. We went to a mattress store, and found an excellent set (with a low box springs), and again got her one-year interest free. On of her favorite new purchases was a new comforter.

2. Lessons Learned:

a. Plan and think ahead. Given the timeframe for the move, map out the major steps you’ll need to accomplish. I listed all this in an Excel spreadsheet.

b. Track all the vendors, contacts and important names and numbers, and ‘next steps’. Again, I captured all this in an Excel spreadsheet and printed for my mother. When I had to return home, she kept the list on her frig, for easy reference.

c. Keep a pulse on how your parent is doing (physically and emotionally during all this). You may need to slow down but you can’t stop the process. You have to remind them why they are doing this and what it will mean to them in the end.

d. When your parent gets hung up looking through photos and memories, ensure them that you are saving all this. Again, we used a big bin to put all this in. Later, in the midst of winter, she could sort through these.

e. Consider things that are important to your parent. My mother wanted to take her piano with her. We made a place for it to fit in her apartment. Also, color (such as her new purple comforter) was important to her.

f. As early as possible, reserve the moving van company and other vendors (we used one just for senior moves and they book up fast).

g. Know that you will go through times where you are exhausted, dirty from cleaning, frustrated from delays, not finding resources when you need them. Often I would go outside late at night and just de-compress.

h. Always have a vision (and share it) for what your parent’s new life will be like.

Finding the right retirement community for an aging parent

2008-10-21T09:39:00.000-07:00

Today, I’ll describe the selection process of a retirement community for Mom.

First of all, I had an open-ended conversation with Mom. I felt it was important to understand Mom’s thoughts and perspectives. Know that even if a parent is 100% set on moving out of their home and into a retirement community, when the reality of leaving their home sets in, all kinds of strong emotions will emerge. As I’ve said in previous blogging, my mother and I kept reminding each other of the end goal she wanted. She no longer wanted to care for a large home; she wanted to live in a caring and vibrant community with excellent healthcare and services available.
So, our criteria for selection of a community came down to these factors

Location
Size
Inclusion of services
Cost
How she felt she would fit in
Availability

Location: She definitely wanted to remain within an hour drive of her current home, so she could stay in touch with her friends, church, and doctors. We came up with a list of 3 retirement communities, all highly recommended.
Size: The 3 communities were different in number of residents which ultimately impacted the variety of activities, services offered, and something we had not thought about, diversity of the residents. Mom decided early on to exclude one of the communities because it was too large; it reminded her of a little city. She wanted something a bit more personal.
Inclusion of services: Mom’s remaining 2 choices were Continuing Care Retirement Communities (CCRC). This was very important to us. Even though she would start out in independent living, if she had to move to assisted living or nursing care, that move would be possible at no additional charge. The place Mom eventually chose also had a highly rated Alzheimer’s / memory impairment facility. Again, if she ever needed this level of care, it would be available to her at no additional charge.
Cost: At this point, we had made an initial visit, had very positive feelings about the community and …..we started to consider costs. Mom knew she preferred this place, but could she afford it? Her place of choice was “all inclusive”, unlike the other option. We compared initial cost, long-term cost and the overall quality and felt the costs were reasonable. Mom’s place of choice had a spreadsheet program that they could plug all her income into (including estimated proceeds of sale of her house). We found, that yes, Mom could afford this. And, Mom’s initial fear (of having to turn all her money over to a retirement center) was totally unfounded. She remained in total control of her money. This was a wonderful turning point. We decided to put down the deposit at that time and get on their wait list.
How she would fit in: Now that Mom knew she could afford her place of choice, we had to try to find every way possible to see if Mom would be happy here. Here are some of the things we did:

We made trips often back to the community; sometimes just driving around the grounds, walking through the halls, or having lunch/dinner in the dining rooms. The Marketing Staff was wonderful. My advice is to find a key point of contact; they absolutely want to help in the decision-making but they can’t read minds. I would often email our contact with questions. (Also, it was interesting…every staff member we met told us how much they loved working at this place. We could sense that in their interactions with us.)
Mom enjoyed walking through the buildings. We could tell a lot by the people we saw, their demeanor, the noise level, even the light and the smells. Some of the things I remember from my first visit: everyone had a book with them; people would be sitting and quietly chatting or reading. They had a wonderful wall where they showed paintings of local artists. They had a community garden. And, probably key for my mother, she loved the food, and the way she was personally greeted on every visit.
We read and re-read all the literature provided, all the calendars, activities. We even spent time looking through the biographies of the residents. What an incredible diverse group of people! We learned about the Wellness Center and that her primary care physician came there every week (as well as many of her other doctors).
When she finally made the choice and was given an apartment number, she made several trips back to take measurements, to try and visualize how much she could bring and where to place it. (I’ll devote another blog to how she decided what to bring, another key decision in the transition. Don’t minimize how important each item is. For my mother, it was her piano.)
All these visits were so important. With each visit, she began to consider this her new home. As she went through her daily routine back at home, she could now begin to think, how will I do this in my new apartment? What will my new life be like? We took every opportunity to keep our focus on making this a smooth and positive transition.

Availability: This was so very important. One place Mom was considering had a wait list of 2 years. Fortunately, her first choice had an apartment open up and she moved in just 2 months after we had begun the search.
So, what’s the rest of the story? As I end this blog, I’ll include some of the unexpected delights for my mother as she transitioned to her “new home”.

She told me she loves the ecumenical service held at the retirement community, even more than her own church of 30 years.
She loves the way she and her friends are greeted by name, as they enter the dining rooms each day. She looks forward to the Friday night social hours, a time to meet all the new residents…. and also, the many special events, such as the Crab Feast, the 4^th of July cookout.
Mom loves to tell me each week about the lectures and performances she has attended on site. She saw her first opera the other night!
Her good friend down the hall has been bringing her fresh tomatoes from her spot in the community garden. They truly all look out for each other.
The same friend called the other day to say she was making reservations for the New Year’s Eve party for the whole floor. My mother, who never went to college, says she feels like she’s living in a dorm. The dear gentleman living next to her volunteers at a local school. A priest down the hall is still active in his parish. These are people with vibrant lives and what a difference Mom’s choice has made in her life. In just 4 months, we have seen my mother blossom (and her health improve immensely) in her new surroundings.

The place my mother chose was Fairhaven (Sykesville, MD). I can’t imagine my mother being anywhere else, and neither can she. http://www.fairhavenccrc.org/subdomains/fairhavenccrc/

Stay tuned tomorrow as I talk about our process of dealing with everything in Mom’s house. My dear husband did a superb job of going through all the old paperwork, sorting, shredding, etc. I need to devote a whole entry to his efforts.

Helping a parent in crisis - finding interim services and moving forward

2008-10-16T07:30:00.000-07:00

The continuing saga of helping a parent in crisis. So here’s how my mother and I managed our week together. We had to focus on mom’s health as well as considering future changes for her. She wanted to explore area retirement communities and the possibility of selling her home. I wanted to ensure interim services were in place when I left at the end of that week.

So, here’s how the week went for us:
1. Mom’s health and medical appointments were our #1 priority. We scheduled all of her appointments as early in the week as possible. One thing I learned was to build a lot of extra time into getting to and from appointments. Mom needed to move slowly and use a walker for the first time.

2. We mapped out the first hour after breakfast each morning to handle financial calls, paperwork and business matters.

3. Mom picked out 3 retirement communities to visit. We prioritized them in order of which one she thought she would like most. This worked great because once we visited her first choice, she knew that was the place for her. (We laughed about this….because this is exactly what two of my sons told me when we visited their first choice in colleges!). I’ll follow up with future blogs that describe why she decided to sell/leave her home and also how she came to choose her retirement community.

4. Since Mom had to wait for an opening in the retirement community, we had to take some interim steps to help Mom live on her own after I left at the end of the week.
a. We called a wonderful place called “Visiting Angels” (offered services of light housekeeping, medication assistance, companionship). Mom decided she did not want a stranger coming in her house but we chose to accept their offer of Lifeline Alert. She was able to prepay for 3 months and it was installed on the spot. This gave Mom much peace of mind because she had a small number of steps to navigate in her home. http://www.visitingangels.com/
b. Meal preparation was a big concern. She could not drive to get groceries and didn’t know what to eat. Given her poor physical health and low immune system, eating the right food was important. I contacted Meals on Wheels and they started service as soon as I left. They have an income-based fee scale and provide a hot meal at noon and leave a cold meal for dinner. Although Mom sometimes complained about the food choices, she looked forward to the daily visits of the very kind people who delivered. http://www.mowaa.org/Page.aspx?pid=183
c. Mom’s closest friend agreed to stop by and visit once a week, Friday, check on her blood sugar, check the status of Mom’s home and Mom and let me know if things started to deteriorate.
d. I also arranged for a cleaning service to come in every other week and scrub down her kitchen, bathrooms, vacuum and do laundry.

5. The biggest physical problem we had with Mom’s house was the trash and clutter that was absolutely everywhere. I worked late into the night hours separating out what was obvious trash. I tried, as best I could, to have her look through stuff before it went in the trash pile. By the end of the week, I called the refuse guy in. They ( he had a crew of 4 very strong men) took away a “ton” of trash. This is not an exaggeration. The guy actually had to weigh the stuff at the dump to know how much to charge us. I didn’t do this all alone; twice my dear childhood friend over as we sorted through stuff. It was like stepping back in time. We found income tax returns from the 1950s!!! By the time the refuse guy left, the entire bottom of the house (family room and unfinished area) was emptied out. This was a big feat but it also made me realize how much we had left to go!

6. We knew early in the week that Mom wanted to sell her house. The realtor said she could sell “as is” and someone (a house flipper) would likely scoop it up for a good price. She said no; she wanted to fix it up and sell it to a nice family who would fit into her neighborhood. From that moment on, I became the only person that was allowed to speak to the realtor, general contractor and anyone else interested in anything. Everyone had my cell number and knew they had to go through me. This took a huge burden off my mother. Now that Mom decided she wanted to sell, we decided to move quickly,
a. She applied for an equity loan from her bank
b. She had a new roof and gutters put on
c. We met with the general contractor, got a fixed price contract to renovate the whole house; all new cabinets, paint, carpet, fixtures, bathroom sinks. The price was more reasonable than we had expected. I checked the contractor out thoroughly and our family friend checked the work frequently.

7. I’ll finish this blog now by sharing that the contractor finished 2 weeks ahead of schedule, the house looked brand new. This gave Mom such a sense of pride that she was providing something of quality to another family. The house went on the market and sold in ‘one day’.

The key to this success was to thoroughly check out everyone we worked with; to negotiate, clarify and understand all contracts and always keep the end goal in sight….to see Mom’s house the way she wanted it sold so that she could move, unhindered, into her new retirement community.

Stay tuned tomorrow to hear how we selected a retirement community.

Excellent website for finding transportation for your parent

2008-10-14T12:52:00.000-07:00

If your parent has to stop driving and needs a way to get to the doctors and grocery store, check out the following website. Scroll down to the state you’re interested in and find the correct link. http://bulletin.aarp.org/yourworld/gettingaround/articles/state-by-state_guide.html

Helping an aging parent in crisis - four categories to consider

2008-10-14T07:50:00.001-07:00

October 14, 2008

Helping a parent in crisis. Here are the four categories of care/aid that I considered while helping my mother through her medical and living situation crisis.

Health

Finances

Current living situation

Future living possibilities

Here are tips that helped me:

Health

Establish a relationship with your parent’s doctors
I already had an email relationship with her specialist of 6 years at Johns Hopkins Hospital. I found his academic email address on the university website. He responded to my emails within 24 hours, often with a phone call.
I had no relationship with her primary care doctor. But, when I arrived in Maryland, I went with her to her next appointment. My mother has a way of putting on a façade that everything is ok. When the doctor left to get something, I followed him out into the hallway, pulled him aside and filled him in. I told him how I found stacks of unfilled prescriptions as well as numerous pills in her carpet. He immediately offered contacts at service agencies in the area to help.
Ensure that your parent goes through the primary care doctor on everything. My mother was going to an ENT and dermatologist on her own. Sometimes their prognosis and new medications would negatively impact her overall health.

Finances

Establish your parent’s financial situation as soon as possible. Over the 20 years since my father’s death, my brother (who lives one state away) had accepted responsibility to keep an eye on her finances. I found out quickly all that meant was he ensured my mother received the same checks each month. He (and she) had no idea, long term, what the money flow would be.
I looked at my mother’s last 1099s for her income tax and called every financial institution. I called each (with my mother present); she gave authorization for me to speak with the institution. I also made her listen and understand every conversation. I was willing to help her stabilize but I did not want to become a crutch. I found out what type of fund she had (annuity, IRA, pension…), the monthly disbursement, how long it would continue. We also put her on direct deposit for all funds. KEY: Knowing how much she money she had (long term) enabled my mother to consider all the alternatives of living situations. This was a very positive, freeing and turning point for her and me.

Current living situation

My mother had lived in her home alone for the past 20 years. She enjoyed visiting us so I rarely went back. I realized she had a shopaholic problem which I had tried to resolve previously with no success. But, since she had been confined to her home for 3 months (due to medication and being unable to drive), her house was in a horrible state (trash everywhere; dishes, mail, newspapers stuffed under furniture), refrigerator with much outdated food; kitchen piled high with dirty pots and pans, beds covered with feet of clothing she had nowhere for. When I arrived, I was overwhelmed by the condition.
I hired a cleaning service to come in for 4 hours. They immediately told me they only did surfaces. So, I had them do the bathrooms and vacuum and dust as they could while I tackled the kitchen. I had to get the house in a liveable state to bring my mother home from the hospital.
I had a friend of the family, a realtor, walk through and assess the house and tell me about the housing market. He also referred me to a refuse guy and a general contractor who could renovate the house if she decided to sell and move into a retirement community. She told me that she knew her living condition was bad. She just didn’t know what to do about it. She denied her friends and neighbors entry. The part that was difficult to understand was how my brother (who visited regularly) did not see there was a problem. There were bags throughout the house he had brought with cereal and canned goods. It was like trying to put a bandaid on a large wound.
For the remainder of the week, I would get up at 5am, tackle paperwork until Mom awoke at 8. Then I tried to get her to learn to check her diabetes, learn to eat properly and clean up after herself.
We began to map out her living options. She would need lots of interim help even if she did decide to sell her home and find a retirement community she liked.

The initial hard part is confronting all the problems and trying to create order out of chaos. I tried hard not to point blame at anyone or anything. You really need to channel all your energy into finding solutions. I tried to segment out parts of the day to address the various categories of need. And, above all, you can’t rush your parent. I often had to make myself stop and sit down and spend time with my mother. So many lessons learned for both of us.

Stay tuned tomorrow to find out how we explored the various options that first week.

Key first steps to take when parent is in crisis mode

2008-10-12T11:30:00.000-07:00

Ok, you're 1,000 miles away and get the call your parent is in crisis and most likely will need assistance living in his/her home or will need to consider a change.

The key first steps I took were the following:
1. I called my mother's church office, made them aware of my mother's situation and asked what community services would be good for me to contact.
2. I called a childhood friend who worked for a local hospital. She was able to give me a list of comprehensive services recommended by colleagues. This was a huge help.
3. I called my mother's close friend with whom my mother had shared her wishes about changes she wanted to make in her lifestyle and living.

And, finally, I decided to take a week of vacation, drive back and help my mother get settled back in her home (after her hospitalization) and assess her living condition. I knew I had to use my time wisely and I began to carve a plan out in my mind. My next blog will explore those "categories" that I add to address: her health, her finances, her current living situation (staying in her home of 30 years) and possible new living situation. I also began to prepare myself mentally for what would be a stressful, physically and emotionally demanding week. I kept focused on what our end goal was....to help my mother live the rest of her life in dignity and good health.

Here is a fantastic web site that I wished I had known about.
Check it out; just put in your parent's zip code, city or country and you will get a tremendous array of resources so you don't spin your wheels. I recall how every second is precious plus you want to find trustworthy sources.
http://www.eldercare.gov/Eldercare/Public/Home.asp

This site is a wonderful resource from the Administration on Aging (of the US Department of Health and Human Services). Its goal is to enable the elderly to live independently. Here you will find local and state agencies to answer your questions about meals, home care, transportation. Check out the Resources link which covers everything from 'general health resources' to 'housing and living options' to 'end of life care'.

Information and planning were critical factors in helping my mother understand her situation, options and helping us to move forward and create a plan together.

Stay tuned tomorrow when I describe the four categories of consideration. I'll also cover the many key phone calls/appointments I made before I ever left home, ones that saved precious time as well as yielded additional resources.

You get the call that your aging parent is in crisis

2008-10-10T13:12:00.000-07:00

Last March, I received a call from my mother's friend (halfway across the country) that I had to come immediately; Mom was being hospitalized and her home was in a terrible state. In a 3 month period and 2 visits, I was able to get her health stabilized, her home totally renovated and sold and helped Mom to find the retirement community of her dreams. She is now healthy, mentally active, surrounded by a vibrant community of friends about 5 miles from where her home was.

I've decided to start this blog to help anyone who gets that kind of call from out of the blue. Who do you call first? How do you find resources in your parents' community (across the country)? What are the crucial steps you must follow in order to consider your parent's health, finances, living needs and also their personal wishes? The transition is not easy. It takes a lot of work, planning, and strong emotions will emerge. But, I (and my mother) are here to say....we worked through the process and my mother is happy, healthy and engaged in a way she has never been before in her life.

I hope that others who find this site will also share their stories. Just one little tip can help someone so much. Stay tuned each day as I share my tips and research.

Thanks for reading and also for sharing. Dale